Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the Internet!

If the internet isn't careful, Chuck Norris might just have to give it a roundhouse kick to the face. And then where would we all be?

I've been hearing a lot of really funny un-facts about Chuck Norris lately, things like:

When Chuck Norris sends does his taxes he sends in blank forms with a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes...ever

There are about a million more, everything to Chuck roundhouse kicking his wife to curing blindness and then roundhouse kicking the formerly blind man.

I even got into the fun and made up some of my own like:

Chuck Norris was once shot in the abdomen by a 10-gauge round at point blank range while drinking a glass of water. The slug fell to the floor and Chuck finished drinking without spilling a drop. He was disappointed, however because his lawyers refused to let him use video footage of the incident to advertise the "Total Gym" exercise machine like he had intended. "Results not typical" just didn't seem to cover it.

So, I'm thinking to myself "what prompted all of this anti-Chuck sentiment all of a sudden?" When I was a kid, I held him in awe because he was into martial arts (collectively known as "Karate" to most of the 80's generation). Sure, his movies were cheesy, but we didn't know that back then, all we knew was that he could kick a guy in the head while spinning around (we also didn't know what a "roundhouse" kick was). He used machine guns, rode motorcycles, set off explosions, was part of an elite military force - basically every American boy's dream job. It didn't really matter that the acting was awful, it was the setting that inspired us, our imagination could do the rest, thank you very much. (Chuck's movies were kind of like Knight Rider in that respect - I could care less what the show was about as long as I got to see that car do something cool every episode. Man, I wished I could drive a car with "super-pursuit mode"!)

Anyway, I still did't get what the sudden emergence of this anti-Chuck movement is all about. This isn't just confined to the Internet - it's being put on TV as well.



Don't get me wrong, this is really funny stuff, but I decided to see if there was a new Delta Force movie in the works or something that acted as a catalyst for this. So I went to Chuck's website, and found something that I think answers the question. Or at least starts to.

For a Christian, making a public declaration of your faith is pretty much like painting a target on yourself. This isn't really true of any other religious pursuasion, at least not in America. There is an irrational public animosity against Christianity in the US that does not extend to other religions. Christian religious symbols and artifacts are the target of pretty much every single court case that has sought to enforce the so-called "separation of church and state" (a badly misinterpreted rule that was never intended to be used to bludgeon Christianity in public places like so many ignorant people believe today.) The irony is that this does not come as a surprise to Christians: 1 2 3 4 5.

Now, none of the so-called "Chuck Norris Facts" I have encountered have directly attacked Chuck's faith, but instead have tried to discredit him in every other conceivable way, effectively attacking what Christians refer to his "witness", trying, in essence to limit his ability to share his faith by making him look like a fake.

Chuck, himself, has demonstrated his faith and turned the other cheek, and I for one have a great deal of respect for that. Here is an exerpt from his official website:

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

~ Chuck Norris

I'm not saying that everyone who makes up Chuck Norris "Facts" is bashing Christianity, but isn't it interesting how much trouble people seem to be going to to make fun of him? Maybe it's all in good fun, maybe it's not. But I learned an important lesson - if you're going to make fun of something, make sure you know what you're making fun of. I, for one, will not be making up any more Chuck "facts", but I will say that the Internet deserves a roundhouse kick in the face if doesn't back off:-P

Movie Reviews!!!

So I went to the movies on Saturday to catch a couple flicks - End of the Spear and Underworld:Evolution, and we had time, so we went ahead and saw Tristan and Isolde as well. Here's what I thought of them.

End of the Spear
Rated PG-13

A group of missionaries move to the Amazon basin to try and make contact with the indigenous peoples to spread the Gospel of Christ. This is the true story of their life and death struggle, and devotion to their faith. The story centers around the Waodani tribe, a group made famous in the area by their willingness to shed blood.

The mundane aspects of real life necessary to frame the story sometimes cause the pacing to feel a little slow and bland, but the irony is that when you see the strength these characters gain through their faith, it is a challenge to remember that this is a factual account of something that actually happened - it's that profound.

There are moments of excitement interspersed throughout. There are also healthy doses of death and violence - something I consider essential whenever depicting the human condition - however the death and violence is mostly conceptual - meaning that it is not very graphic in nature - you're not seeing gore or hearing death rattles, it's all very quick and to the point. In other words, there is violence and death but the movie does not focus on it or glorify it - it is back story, nothing more. I would imagine that a large part of the intended audience for this film are Christian church groups.

There are no "heroes" here, just ordinary people living lives through extraordinary circumstances by relying on their faith. Their faith is not a magical power that saves them from hardship, rather it is a thing which transcends their urges for fear, violence and revenge, and gives them the strength to persevere and makes them an example for everyone who sees it.

Although the story is about Christian missionaries, it never gets "preachy" - unlike most modern secular films which will unapologetically try to hit you over the head with humanist philosophy (The Day After Tomorrow for example). There are remarkably profound statements, both spoken and demonstrated which you will easily miss if you are not paying attention. For example, in one scene a son asks his father to defend himself if the Waodani threaten his life, and the father answers back that he can't shoot the Waodani no matter what happens because they're not ready for heaven yet. It was also interesting to learn that the Waodani had some ideas about death and the afterlife that were remarkably similar, if only in a symbolic sense, to the Christian understanding of those things - again it was very subtle.

Most of the movie felt like watching some sort of reinactment on the Discovery Channel - and I suppose in a lot of ways it was, but it all culminates into a very moving and profound ending which had me at the brink of tears. It is definitely worth watching, and I consider it to be "family-friendly". If you're concerned about violence, consider the fact that the Bible itself depicts much more death and violence than this movie, and is a lot more graphic about it to boot. The movie contains violence for the same reason that the Bible does - to record it, not to glorify it.

The filmmakers included a message at the end of the film explaining that half of the profits are going to go to missionary work to reach natives who have never had contact with the Gospel.

Underworld: Evolution
Rated R

This movie takes up right where the first one left off, following the further adventures of Selene, the Death Dealer (A sort of Vampire hit-squad), and Michael - an unprecendented hybrid of Vampire and Lycan (Werewolf).

Let me first say that I am a big fan of the first Underworld movie and I was really looking forward to this one. Unfortunately, this one failed to live up to its prececessor, but not necessarily in the ways you might think. In terms of story, acting, special effects, cinematography, it matched and often exceeded the first Underworld movie - there is obviously a bigger budget involved, but the original talent is still there in droves and unaltered.

The one failing of the movie is the juvinile inclusion of sex. One of my favorite things about the first movie was the fact that it delivered an awesome story, a sexy heroine who really knew how to kick butt (and dressed appropriately for it - i.e. she covered up rather than flaunting exposed cleavage or an exposed midriff), plenty of violence and action, and even a little romance, but no sex whatsoever. It was an awesome formula and it worked. This time around the directors' boyish tendancies got the best of them and they decided to include two sex scenes and some nudity, which thanks to flashbacks and visions hit the screen about six times. Ridiculuous stuff. Even if I liked seeing that sort of thing in movies, it would have done nothing to contribute to the story. When are filmmakers going to learn to keep porn, softcore and hard, in porn flicks, and let action adventure movies be about action and adventure? The same stupidity took place with the Matrix sequels, and look what happened to them...

Despite its locker-room failings, the movie offered a goodly dose of intrigue and mystery, revealing a story even deeper and more engaging than that of the first movie. The action sequences are top-notch thanks to special effects that don't look like special effects. One thing that particularly impressed me was that the entire cast were the original actors - even though some of them only got a handful of seconds onscreen. In a lot of sequels, actors will not come back to reprise roles that only give them one or two lines, so replacement actors are used, or clever tricks, like cutting in footage from the previous movie. But apparently the actors and the budget were kind and the filmmakers were given autonomy to craft the story the way they wanted.

Bottom line is that I can't recommend this movie because of the sex. It a shame really because other than that, it was quite good.

Tristan + Isolde

Rated PG-13

This movie was kind of a sleeper. I had never heard of it, and my wife had seen part of a trailer for it and thought it looked good so we went ahead and gave it a go.

I was actually a bit surprised at how good it was. It's not "Braveheart" good, but it is say "Kingdom of Heaven" good.

It is the story of two star-crossed lovers. A lot of parallels can be drawn between this story, Romeo and Juliet, and the King Arthur story. History-wise, the timeline seems a little wonky but it seemed to be based on a local legend so you can't really expect it to be accurate. By that same token, it's possible that this legend actually bore some sort of influence on Romeo and Juliet and the King Arthur story.

The story takes place in what is now know as the UK and revolves around the conflict between a united Ireland and a Brittian left in shambles by the fall of Rome. The Irish enjoy military superiority against any one of the nations that Brittian is comprised of, but would be outnumbered two to one should Brittian actually unite under a single king. So the Irish king is doing everything he can to sew fear, strife and dissention among the Brittans to prevent it. Caught up in the midst of this political intrigue are Tristan - the champion of Brittian's best candidate for a king, and Isolde the daughter of the king of Ireland.

This movie did an excellent job crafting the complex interrelationships between the main characters in ways that did not leave your head spinning. It also split hairs where love and morality contend for supremacy. Although it did not exactly debate the issues, it did not direct the audience to one conclusion or the other, it merely laid bare an impossible situation and let the audience decide.

The action sequences did not disappoint, offering a clean view of the various battles and conflicts - easily on par with Braveheart in that sense. Although battles were clearly not the focus of the film, they were nevertheless done with care and helped to add to the realism of the story.

There were multiple sex scenes, but no nudity, and they were done respectfully and were relavent to the story. I don't know if I'd give this a family-friendly rating, but the PG-13 rating is a sufficient guideline.

All in all, it's a good date movie. (Or apparently for gaggles of teenaged girls who sit behind you in the theather and giggle, gasp, sigh and "ewww gross!" through the whole thing....)

Final Fantasy XI XBOX 360 Beta vs. PC and PS2 versions.

One of the main driving factors for me to buy an XBOX 360 was to play Final Fantasy XI. I was a bit miffed to find out that Microsoft lied when they listed it as a launch title. The Japanese XBOX 360 was shipping with a beta version of FFXI so it was kinda obvious that there was no way they would make launch. Anyway I thought I was going to have to import the goofy thing to get a chance to play it, but lo and behold the February issue of the Official XBOX magazine shipped with the North American version of the demo...Yay!

So I got my hot little hands on the demo today and I had a chance to find out all the little things that I wanted to know that nobody ever bothered to explain. It's a beta, of course, so some of this may change before the game is released. Right now it's set for August of '06.

Graphics:
The game supports 1080i and it looks gorgeous. The textures look to be straight out of the PC version, so essentially it looks just like you're playing on the PC at a resolution of 1080 x 1920 with the upshot that I get to play it on a 30" monitor. My HDTV is a CRT model so it has a bit of a problem with "blooming" on the brigher scenes - the text along the extreme edges is chopped off when I'm looking at a relatively bright scene.

Like the PS2 version, there is no way to change the text size so you're sort of stuck with what you get. At 1080i the text is practically microscopic. I suppose if I had a larger TV it wouldn't be so bad, but at 30 inches it's rough - Square Enix, if you're listening, you need to add this as a feature! Technically there are three settings that will allow you to adjust the resolution, however, unlike the PC version you can't adjust the text size independently, so if you change to a lower resolution, say 480p, you lose the beautiful textures of the 1080i version, but the text is large and readable. Incidentally 480p looks pretty much identical to the 480i resolution you get with the PS2 version. I can't tell you what 720p looks like because my TV doesn't support it, but I would guess it falls somewhere inbetween.

The controls are identical to the PS2 default setup, and cannot be reconfigured as with the PC version. The only difficulty I had with the controls had to do with the controller layout. On the PS2 Dual-Shock 2 controller, the D-pad is located where the left analog stick is on the XBOX 360 controller. I'm used to shuffling through menus while I sit down to heal, and I kept reaching for the analog stick thinking it was the D-pad. This was just slightly annoying because my character kept standing up and I had to keep sitting him down again.

Registration:
As with the PC and PS2 version, registration is not an entirely user friendly experience. They need to do a better job explaining what everything is for. Firstly, you need to get a POL(PlayOnline) ID, this will allow you to log in to PlayOnline - which is a sort of Portal for Sqeenix's online games. Technically POL is free - you don't pay a monthly fee for it and you can use it even if you never pay for it. From that point, you have to "purchase" a "Content ID". A content ID is the thing that you actually pay for, and it's what allows you to play games over POL. So after setting up your POL account, you have to set up a Content ID. Then when you log in to Final Fantasy XI and create a character, you will be asked to associate that character with an available (unused) Content ID. The system is more complicated than it really needs to be because Squeenix has designed POL to host more than one game. (In Japan, EverQuest II is actually provided through POL alongside FFXI)

I was also curious about how the registration would be different - particularly I wanted to know if it would allow me to play with my existing account and/or how it was going to stop me from doing so. All of the typical registration menus were intact, so I entered my POL credentials from the PS2 version. To my surprise, it actually let me log in, update POL, and update Final Fantasy XI.

It was not to be, however. When I attempted to actually log in to FFXI I got an error message: No valid content IDs. I checked my content ID's and POL could see them, but it was evidently smart enough to tell that they didn't give me access to the beta server, and vice-versa (that the POL beta is not allowed to connect to the retail servers).

I tried getting around it. I tried to create a new content ID using the beta registration codes under my existing POL ID, but it wouldn't accept the codes.

So I broke down and registered a brand new POL ID. As I was creating my new character, the World Pass function was still there. The World Pass function allows you to specify a server where you would like to play. To choose a specific server, you have to know someone on that server. That person has to purchase a world pass (using game money) and give you a pass code before the game will let you log in to that server. I tried entering a world pass for the retail server I play on. It almost looked like it was going to work, but I got a nasty POL error (no, I don't remember the code).

So, in the end, I had to do it their way....

It took about an hour and a half to install and update the game - this is pretty good by comparison to the PC version, and the PS2 version comes pre-installed on the hard drive so I'm not sure how long that normally takes.

Other than the graphical differences, it's pretty much the same game as the PS2 version with most of the same options and settings. It's nice playing on the beta server (Hydra) because the economy hasn't been completely ruined by gil sellers (and gil buyers! - you know who you are you little cheating punks, and you ought to be shot!). Stacks of Fire crystals are going for about 400 gil at the Bastok auction house. Mmmm. I remember back when they were as low as 800 on my server - those were the days. But I'm sure that will all change when the XBOX 360 version goes live...

One thing I really like is the ability to play my own music instead of the game music. Don't get me wrong, the game music is very good and appropriate, but I've heard it all hundreds of times so I'm just looking for a little variety. Just pop your USB flash drive into the 360 and play your own music to your heart's content. (If you're listening, Microsoft, YOU NEED A SHUFFLE FUNCTION ON THE 360'S MUSIC PLAYER!!!!)

I understand that voice chat is doable, but I never unpacked the headset from my XBOX 360, so I don't know what that's like. I'd imagine it's roughly equivalent to teamspeak considering that FFXI isn't actually supporting voice chat - XBOX Live is.

You have to be signed in to XBOX Live to sign in to POL, but it doesn't have to be a Gold account - the free Silver account works just fine. I was a bit concerned that they were going to try to pull something like they did with Phantasy Star Online - where you had to pay for both an XBOX Live subscription AND a PSO subscription.

I know this is supposed to be a beta, but it really isn't. It's just an advertisement and a chunk of free market research. They haven't given us any special tools or instructions for giving bug reports. I doubt much significant will change about the game in the next 8 months.

I'm not sure if they'll delete the existing characters when the 360 version goes live. They probably will, but haven't said one way or the other. It's a bit frustrating. I can play for free for 8 months, but I'll lose all of my progress, so what's the point?

I'm 99.9% certain that when it does go live, you'll be able to use an existing PC or PS2 account to play on the 360. (the PS2 and PC versions are completely interchangeable.)

One last little thing that annoyed me - you have to have the disc in the drive in order to play FFXI on the XBOX 360 - this is not true of either the PC or PS2 versions of the game and it is really freaking annyoing. I sincerely hope they come up with a better way to do this in the retail version.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Video Games: What is the _real_ release date? Part 1

I went out to buy three games that were supposed to be released today, and none of them are available. I double-checked the release dates with 1up.com, with the publishers, and with EBGames.com - they all say the games are available today. Why is it that I can never go out and buy a game on the release date?

I've been told by a couple of EB and Best Buy managers that what gets published as a "Release Date" is actually the date a product ships. This seems a little silly to me because, quite simply, if I can't buy something on that date and take it home and hug it (hugging is optional) then it's not really "out" yet. Do game companies have so little respect for consumers like me that they feel they can make a promise like a release date and then not make good on it? (I'm not talking about release dates that are pushed back. I'm talking about ones that aren't - Mega Man X Collection for example)

I don't even care that the games come out when they come out, I just want the damn things to be there when the game studios say they're gonna be there. So, I'm gonna mosey on over to Square, Capcom, and XseeD games' websites and see if I can't find a complaint form somewhere...stay tuned

Game Review: Grandia III

Developer: Game Arts
Publisher: SquareEnix
System: PS2
Number of Discs: 2
Version Reviewed: Japan (USA version box pictured)
Number of Players: 1
Release Date (Japan/U.S.) Aug 04, 2005/Mar 01, 2006

-Overview-
Grandia III is THE best RPG I've played in the 128-bit console generation. Nothing lights a candle to it in my book. Grandia III is actually the fifth game in the series including Grandia(Saturn, Playstation), Grandia II (Dreamcast, PS2, PC), Grandia: Parallel Trippers(GBC), Grandia Xtreme(PS2).

Good Points:
Finely-tuned battle system, gorgeous belongs-in-a-museum art design, unparallelled character development, awesome story, eye-popping special effects, steady pacing, excellent voice acting (Japanese version - I have yet to hear the US rendition).

Bad Points:
No widescreen support. Difficulty seems to triple when you start disc 2.

Gameplay -
Grandia III has taken the awesome battle system from the previous games and tweaked it to perfection, allowing for very intuitive and in-depth strategies. Add to that a variety of creative battle scenarios that let you get very creative in how you formulate your strategy, and you have a game that is a sheer joy to play on the merits of its battle system alone.

But they didn't stop there. Exploring has also been made less tedious by the inclusion of a "sonar"-type action that will reveal the location of treasures, switches, doors and various items of import (if you're familiar with the Wild Arms games, it's akin to the "move-find" system employed there). But they don't take all of the challenge out of it - you still have to figure out how to get at what you're looking for.

The "overworld" map consists of flying sequences where you pilot a plane to your destination. And just so that doesn't get monotonous, you can choose to jump directly to a location as long as you've landed your plane there at least once before.

The pacing of the game allows you to move through it very quickly and naturally. Basically if you take a time to clear out all of the enemies in each area as you move through, you should advance in experience quickly enough to be ready for the next challenge. This is true up until you start Disc 2. For some reason at that point the difficulty seems to just about triple. All in all I spent about 2.5 of the 43 total hours "leveling" so I could survive a particular boss fight. That's not really bad in comparison to a number of other games I've played.

Ordinarily RPGs have you explore an area and fight gradually stronger enemies then fight a boss, wash, rinse, repeat. That's true for the most part in G3 as well, however there is one area where you actually fight the boss first, then explore the level. The magic and skill systems allow you to tailor and balance your party for whatever scenario you encounter. About a fourth of the way through the game you will begin to collect orbs that let you turn loose a super move - kind of like a trump card. You really have to plan your boss fights out to decide which super move is best for which situation. And best of all, the gameplay is always stimulating, never repetitive. The boss fights are all hard, but never impossible (although you might freak out to see how many hit points some of these bosses have!) All in all, the gameplay is solid, fresh and fun - you can't really ask for anything more from an RPG.

Story -
If the lackluster stories from Grandias II and Xtreme disappointed you like they did me, you're really going to be happy that G3 goes back to its roots. This is another area where this game stands out dramatically. Yuuki, the main character is very much like Justin from the first Grandia. Yuuki is a happy-go-lucky kid that craves adventure and wants to become a pilot. He sets out with the best of good intentions and from there the story blossoms into a full-fledged epic adventure to save the world. The plot itself has a lot of elements in common with Grandia II, I noticed, however the execution is next to flawless. The story is engaging and emotional. The character development makes you feel like you know these people personally. You will share their fears, their joys, their triumphs, saddness, happiness and general silliness. By the end of the game you may want to cry tears of joy - it's that good! One touch I particularly like was the way that the pre-rendered (i.e. you're watching a video) cinemas, and the real-time (i.e. the polygons graphics and sounds are actually being generated by the PS2) cinemas both used the same character models so it very nicely preserved the continuity of the whole thing.

Graphics/Sound -
As if the killer gameplay and engrossing plot weren't enough to make this game phenominal, the graphics and sound will just blow you away. Some of the scenery in this game literally took my breath away. I have a hard time believing that what I'm seeing is being generated by a PS2. This game impresses the way the first one did on that generation of hardware. My one criticism in the graphics department is the "blurring" effect sometimes employed to create forced perspective scenes - it looked a little shoddy I have to say, but it's a small thing, and probably only really noticable because I was playing on an HDTV. As far as the sound goes, the music is riveting. There are a huge variety of pieces ranging from symphonic to tribal, and each one is tailored for the environment. Many of the tracks are straight from the original game. The tracks are all crisp and clean. The voice acting was also very well done. Not being a native Japanese speaker, you'll have to take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I've played a good number of Japanese titles, and the acting in this one is some of the best I've heard.

Play Time/Replayability -
It took me approxamately 43 hours to complete this game. That means thoroughly exploring each area and defeating every enemy at least once and about 2.5 hours of "leveling up". (The end boss took nearly an hour to kill - so be prepared!). As far as replayability - this game is like a really good book. You don't usually just flip back to the first page and start over right after you've finished, but you will put it on your shelf and come back to it some day when you want to remember that wonderful experience again.

Conclusion/Closing Thought -
This game is awesome in every way that an RPG should be. It was better than a good movie or a really good book. The gameplay is stimulating and fun. I simply could not put it down once I picked it up. I wanted to skip work just to play it (but I resisted the urge!). Oh yeah, and that last boss is a doozy - I finished him off at level 54-barely! If I had a rating system, this game would set the standard for it. This game is an essential title for any RPG-lover's library.

Vampire Hunter D - Not For Kids

My fondness for the 1985 animated film Vampire Hunter D has always been a bittersweet one. I first saw the movie late at night on TBS in 1994. I absolutely loved the animation style, the very dark subject matter, and silent and deadly main character. When I tried to describe it to people, words failed me. I spent more time than I can remember pouring through TV guide hoping to see that it was coming on again so I could tape it. Unfortunately, I didn't have Internet access back then. No Internet=no Google. No Google=how the hell did we ever find anything back then?

Well, I used to use the phone book. I called every store in the yellow pages under "Video Rental/Sales" until I found a Suncoast that actually had a copy of it in their "Japanimation" section. Yay!

So I bummed a ride to Suncoast and bought it right up for the handsome sum of $30. (Man, I can't believe how expensive anime was back then!) Unfortunately, the copy I purchased just happened to not have the "Not for Kids" warning label on it. I had no inkling or warning about some of the "Adult" content that the unedited version of the movie contained. And right on queue, my mother walked into my room as a shot of full-frontal nudity popped onto the screen, surprising me as much as her. That did not end up well...

Now, don't get me wrong, I admire the form of the female body as much as any red-blooded boy ought to by nature, but I don't need it spilled into my dark-hero anime. In fact I don't need it spilled into my TV screen whatsoever. If I want to see a naked woman, that's what my wife is for. Of course I was only about 16 at the time, so I wasn't married yet, but I knew I'd get to see as much of the female form as I wanted to once I was.

So I was embarrassed and angry all at once because the version of Vampire Hunter D that I had fallen in love with contained none of this gratuitous nudity. And make no mistake, I really loved that movie. I returned the video to Suncoast. They tried to refuse on the grounds that the sticker had warned me ahead of time, but I showed them the cellophane wrapper sans-sticker and they had no choice.

Over the years I have made numerous attempts to "clean up" Vampire Hunter D. First by some creative editing with a pair of VCR's. When the DVD was released, I purchased a copy and made an edited version on SVCD (DVD writers weren't yet available to consumers), but in the process I lost the menus, extras, alternate audio, subtitles and all of the other fun stuff.

Thanks to a remarkable program called DVDRemake Pro, last night I was able to remove the offensive content from the DVD without losing any menus, audio or subtitles. And now I have a full-quality, full-feature version of the movie that I can share with friends and family. Yay!

More than meets the eye

Transformers are the coolest toys. I still remember getting one for my birthday more than twenty years ago. It was Starscream. I didn't know he was a "bad guy" at the time. In fact, it was a relatively new concept for me to actually like the bad guy, but the Decpeticons were cool too!

Anyway, I just completed my collection of the "Commerative Series" with Astrotrain. He just arrived in the mail from Hasbro Direct (The only way to get them outside of Ebay.) It's rumored that there are only going to be 3000 made.

Most of the other transformers in the series were available at Toys 'Я' Us or Amazon.com (posing as toysrus.com) but alas all good things must come to an end. Astrotrain is the 22nd and currently last in the series. All in all I've managed to score 26 domestically reissued transformers from Generation 1 - those in the commerative series, and the four Autobot Mini-Cars that were re-released as keychains (what's that about?) And yes, I even bought doubles of a couple so I could open and play with them.

When I was a kid I used to have a whole army of the things. I used to play with them in the dirt and in the bathtub - they went everywhere with me. I wore their joints out (but rarely broke them). I never really outgrew them. We moved around a lot when I was a kid and I couldn't take them with me once. I left them with my step-father's mother (step-grandmother?) for safe keeping, and came back to find them all missing. What became of them I'll probably never know.

I started collecting them as an adult because they remind me of the more magical times in my childhood. I don't play with them as much as I used to - in fact most of them I just look at, but I find them strangely comforting.

The Transformers cartoon was every bit as dear to me as the toys were. I spent a lot of money on a crappy VHS copy of the series that someone taped in Toledo, and sat down and watched every single grainy blurry episode. I've got them all on DVD now, and I've watched them again. Sure it was 30-minute daily advertisement for expensive toys, but the people involved - most notably the voice talents like Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, Casey Casem, and Dan Gilvezan tried to make it something more. And in a large part they succeeded.

So much of my vocabulary, and so many of my mannerisms came from that show it was downright frightening. The dialogue actually had a fair amount of high-school level vocabulary. I also learned that my taste in music was largely influenced by the background scores that filled practically every moment of the series.

Any Trans-fan worth his or her salt already knows this, but Steven Spielberg is going to be producing a full-blown live action Transformers movie. I have some mixed feelings about this. It's a story near and dear to my heart, and I have my doubts that it can be done "right" (They absolutely have to get Peter Cullen and Frank Welker for the voices - anything else is negotiable). But on the other hand I have always wanted to see what it would look like if the Transformers were real. We'll just have to wait and see.

Final Fantasy VII-2...sort of

To anyone who's a huge video game nut, this is probably old news, but Square Enix has made a direct sequel to the uber-popular Final Fantasy VII, but it's not a game, it's a movie and if online retailers can be believed, it will be released in North America on DVD on January 10th. I, for one, can't wait.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, Final Fantasy VII is the game that arguably put the Playstation on the map - it is the largest single contributing factor to Sony overtaking Nintendo for domination of the video game market. No, it wasn't Sony's marketing genius or amazingly disposable consoles, it was Final Fantasy VII.

Traditionally Final Fantasy games have only been linked to one another by a few coincidental characters, and some loose themes. For example, nearly every Final Fantasy game has a character named Cid. Most of them have large birds called Chocobos which are used in place of horses for transportation. But the games themselves follow completely separate histories, and might as well be set in different universes. It is this daring uniqueness that has become the hallmark, and most probably the saving grace of the series. Most sequel-ridden properties fizzle out after two or three sequels when the developers run out of ideas to keep the franchise fresh. The Final Fantasy series is going to reach number XII this year, and that's not even counting the numerous spinoffs, like Final Fantasy Tactics series, and the upcoming Dirge of Cerebus. Final Fantasy XI has offered the most radical departure from the norm by becoming a full-fledged MMORPG (Massively-Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). So it didn't come as a complete surprise when Square decided to make the sequel to one of its most beloved games of all time into a full-length feature film instead of a game.

This isn't even the first time that Square has made a direct sequel. The first time was with Final Fantasy X. The developers had so many unused ideas and the game was so popular that they decided to go ahead and use the material to make Final Fantasy X-2.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children has been out for a couple of months now in Japan. It has also been available in fansubbed form on most newsgroups and P2P networks, and by some unscrupulous Ebayers who swear to God that they're not selling bootlegs.

Like the only other feature-length Final Fantasy film, Spirits Within, this movie is done entirely with computer animation. But don't let it's unpopular older brother scare you off, Advent Children is just awesome.

The animation is top notch, always giving you an impossibly cool view of the action, and there is plenty of off-the-wall action in this movie. It hits the ground running and only lets you catch your breath so it can punch you in the gut with more. The soundtrack is a dream come true with hauntingly beautiful piano renditions of some of the best tracks from Final Fantasy VII, including Tifa's Theme, and Those Who Fight. On the edgy end, it really cranks up the cool with heavy metal versions of Those Who Fight, and One-Winged Angel, not to mention some new tracks like Black Water, and Chase of Highway that will keep you humming their melodys and banging your head for days after you first watch the movie.

The story takes place a couple of years after the events of Final Fantasy VII. The remaining Sephiroth clones still feel drawn to Reunion, and seek the last remains of Jenova. President Rufus somehow managed to survive the Ultimate Weapon's assault on the Shinra building, and he is still in command of the Turks. A mysterious ailment is afflicting the population, but no one knows its cause or its cure. You'll follow Cloud on a journey of reconciliation and reclamation. The story stands perfectly well on it's own, even if you've never played Final Fantasy VII (or played it so long ago, you can't remember very well) but it offers an unparlalleled treat for anyone who has.

If I had a rating system, I'd rate Advent Children among one of the best movies ever made. Ordinarily I'd think it was cliche to call it a tour de force, but it absolutely is.